Do you ever not want to do something, so you do just random stuff? That's what I am doing right now. haha

I realized today how truly blessed I am. Honestly, what more could I want out of life? I have amazing friends that I know I can count on at any time. I just married the love of my life and we have a relationship better than i could have ever imagined. Mike and I had our school nearly completely paid for by the government. I have a job that I like...sort of. We have enough money to buy everything we need and most of the things we want. I have two families that love me.

But with all the things I am blessed with, I sometimes find myself complaining about things going on in my life. Is that rediculous? Like studying, or going to class...but isnt that what I signed up for? Isnt going to college a privlage? I just feel like I should enjoy atleast some of my classes and I dont. I just feel like I am here studying things I dont want to study. These four years of my life seem to be just a mountain I have to climb over to get to what I really want to do. Atleast I think I really want to be a dentist. The thing about careers is, I dont really have a passion for a particular career. I see a career as a way to make money and establish status in life. When I think about it that way, I cant see how  I could look forward to any career. What a negative way to think about life, eh? Maybe dental school will chang my mind. Maybe it will be something I enjoy...

I want to start off by thanking you guys for being a part of my wedding! I love you guys so much and you made the day perfect! It was the best day of my life.

So, I figured the wedding would be great, and of course the honeymoon would be amazing, but I never thought being married would be this wonderful.

I had all these ideas about what married life will be like, and it is totally different that what I imagined. I figured once you get married you automatically have all these pressures and a ton of stress, and then you fight all the time (i dont know where i got that from). Totally NOT like that. I mean, there are things that you have to adjust to like combining finances. I happened to marry someone that doesnt like to keep track of his finaces and wastes money in the dumbest ways. But it didnt take too long to adjust and get finances on track. And then there are things that come along with living with someone, like cleaning and cooking and taking out the garbage, etc.... Turns out, Mike likes to cook, so he does that, and takes out the garbage and even cleans sometimes. He is so easy to live with (for the most part).

I really guess it depends on who you marry.  I dont know how I got so lucky! He is the most wonderful husband. Better than I could have ever imagined. I think he is even more patient now that we are married. For some reason I have been really emotional lately, and have been crying for no apparent reason (and no I'm not preggers). Somehow he always makes me feel better even though neither of us know what the heck I am thinking! Weird...I know. But basically, I love being married and I love Mike more now that I ever have before.

School on the other hand, is not so nice. It isnt particularly bad. It is just...school. I've never really liked it, and I still dont. I dont enjoy studying every hour of my life. Who would? But that seems to be the way it is. I suppose I kind of signed up for it when 1. I chose to go to Madison and 2. Decided I wanted to be a dentist. I guess I got what I asked for. But it is just another year. I can make it...I just have to take it one day at a time.

I went to my geography class today and sat next to this guy...not on purpose, it just seemed to be a good seat. He started talking to me and it remined me of Sarah. Hehe Random, I know. But anyways, he was pretty cute and a really nice guy. And normally, I dont really talk to random people in my 300+ person lectures. He seemed interesting though, and he was talking to me, so I figured I would talk back. :) As we were talking, I wondered if he was hitting on me. And then I thought, how weird would it be if he was hitting on my and then found out I was married...That may take a little getting used to. I guess that comes with being 20 and being married.

So that is my life at the moment......

I got my wisdom teeth pulled on Moday. I wasnt looking foward to it but I didnt think it would be that big of a deal. Ummmm...It hurts like H***!!! Really, it is no fun at all! I was looking forward to not having to work all week but I would take work over this!

First of all, when they were putting the IV in, they couldnt find my vein so they kept trying and trying. Mmmm hmm, that felt really good! They couldnt find it on the inside of my elbow, so they tried my hand. After pricking me about 10X on my hand they tried the other hand and finally got it. They left a bruise that covers the back of my right hand. It was really not fun. I cried. It hurt.

I dont really remember anything after the IV until I woke up at home. I guess I kept calling the Dr. "Dr. P" (Dr Philstrom) and asking for my lip gloss. I dont remember any of this. Haha When I woke up at home I was really confused. I had no idea what was going on. I cried. Then I went back to sleep. Woke up and took my drugs and cried. Went back to sleep. That went on for the first 2 days.

Lucky for me, I got my period yesturday also. Along with my period came strong cramps and a headache. Woooo whoo! I called the Dr today and found out I might have dry-socket. :( Not my best week. I feel like I am never going to feel better.

Needless to say, I've seen better days.

I am done complaining now...I just needed to get it out. I need a nap.

So I wrote this big huge long entry the other day and thought it posted....Yeah, It didnt! Whatever bolgdrive! Thanks a lot!

Here is a summary:

Grant and I are no longer talking. Why? Because he is a huge douche bag! We got in a couple arguements because he refuses to clean up after himself and had NO responsibility whatsoever. The final straw was when he asked me to borrow $$ for like the 5th time that weekend and I said "I feel like..." and he says "FINE! THAT'S FUCKING FINE!" and goes in his room, trows his coat, throws his chair while yelling "FUCK!" the entire time. Scary? Yeah! So basically he threw a big temper tantrome for no reason, and in the meantime lost all the respect I ever had for him. So, yeah, he is a HUGE douche bag! We arent talking.

I have lost most of my motivation to study in the last couple weeks...Ooops. I am in desperate need of a spring break. But I have 2 weeks to go, and 2 more exams! Oh boy! Hopefully I find the motivation somewhere! Maybe it is hiding under my bed or something. Hmmm...

I miss my friends. Enough said.

Work is going ok. I never seem to want to work, but when I am there, it is fine. Waitressing is just so much work. And I just dont feel like working lately. Haha

Wedding is in like 140 days. AHHHHHH!!!! So soon!!!!! As of right now, I am happy to say I still have my sanity. Yay! I might need some help keeping it this summer. But overall, my feeling about me wedding = Excitement!!!!

That is basically the summary of my life lately. Hopefully this one publishes!

THE END

So I know I already wrote today, but i am going to write again. So, numero uno, I dont know why I drink. I dont particularly like it. And dont really want to do it anymore. I usually end up feeling icky. So...yeah, I dont like it so much. I might just not do that any more.

Numero dos, I miss my friends from home. I always miss friends from home, but more so when I have been drinking. I dont know if I will ever make friends that I love so much ever again.

Numero tres, I wish everything in the world could always work out the way we want it to, even though i know that is irrational thought. I just wish it could happen. And I wish everyone could know our intentions, and not think they are bad intentions.

Numbero quatro, everything is gonna be alright...

Guess who got a new job!!! This guy!!! Haha So, I applied for a serving job at this resaurant/bar right by State Street called Angelic Brewery. I had my interview today and I got hired!!! Yay!! It is a really cool restaurant! I kinda got sick of Perkins here. I didnt really like it. Problem solved. At this new place they give us T-shirts that say "Drink No Evil-Angelic Brewery" and that is our uniform! We can wear whatever bottoms and shoes that we want! Yay! No more silly Perkins outfit in Madison. I do however still work at Perkins when I go home. But I  like that one much better! So this new place, it is a lot like Maynards actually. It has a really cool atmosphere. It is nice  I start next week Wednesday. I work Wed, Thurs, Fri (at Perkins), and Sat. Crazy week! I wont be working that much after next week though. Only like 2 days a week. Yay!!!!

I am getting super excited for christmas break!!!! We are all gonna have soooooo much fun! I cant wait!!! I have sooo much wedding planning to do! Only 8 months left! Ufta! AND I have to get my passport because I hear the Bachlorette party is gonna be in Canada...Wheeee!!! Yay for low drinking age! Haha.

Only a couple more weeks left! Hang in there everyone!

Really, How does it make you feel? Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel sad? Does it make you feel comfort in somebody's hands? Does it make you feel big, does it make you feel "all grown up"?

Are you happy you did it. Was it worth it in the end? What was it for? What is the purpose of it? Is it for reassurance in your relationship, is it just for a "grab"? What made you decide to do it? Was it a big step or was it, "What the heck."?

So really, How does it make you feel? Does it make you feel empty? Did it leave a big hole? If it did, I hate to say...I told you so.

We are throwing our first apartment party of the year tonight!!!! Fricken Right we are!!!! We are sooo excited! We pretty much have everything ready. We have like an hour or so befor people start showing up I guess. I dont know, we are expecting people around like 10-10:30. Anyways, it is a BLACK and WHITE party!!! Woooo Whoooo! We are classy around here   We got some pretty good "beverages" for the night. We will have Whop, Franzia (Sarah!!!), Miller Light, and shots of Skyy and Bacardi Limone. Yay!!!! I am way excited but at the same time a little nervous! I hope everything goes well. I am not too nervous about getting busted because we are in an apt. BUT the cops did bust like every party around here last night. So let's keep our fingers crossed!!! The other thing is, we dont really have an estamate of how many people are coming. Hopefully not too many and hopefully not too little. But other than that, we are super excited!!! We have our music play-list hand selected and it will be sweet!!!! Yay for our party!!!!!

One more note: I took my physics exam on thursday and the scores were posted online yesturday. I havent looked at mine yet because I am too afraid and I dont want it to ruin my weekend if it is bad. Is that normal!?!?! Ha! I hope I did well!!!!

I was thinking the other day that I really needed to blog. I just didnt have time. So now I have a little time and I dont know what I am going to write about. So, I think I will just start writting...

The start of the year went smoothly, for about 1 week. I worked a lot the first couple of weeks and by week 3 I realized how far behind I had gotten in my classes. No bueno!!! So I have been struggling to make up for the first couple of weeks. All the sudden I have 2 exams on Thursday and 1 more the next week! Oh boy! I am trying to not freak out right now, like I usually do. So far so good.

I have been a little lost as far as my relationship with God is concerned. It has been a struggle since being back at college. My religion is fine, my relationship is not. I just cant seem to make things right and I dont really know what the next step should be.

I find myself not really wanting to make new friends here. I feel like I have had to make new friends enough times in my life that I shouldnt have to anymore. Silly, I know. One of the problems is, I love my friends that I have so much that I havent met anyone that seems to be as good. Another problem is, I am so busy here that I feel like I dont have time to really build a good friendship. But I think I should be making new friends. It is quite the dilema.

The party seen has been pretty hopping around here. Although I didnt go out last weekend. This weekend was pretty fun though. Last night was fun. I went out with Grant and my friend Becky to a party and then Grant and I came back and played chess. Haha! Then Rachel came home and had a couple drinks with me. It was really fun! Than there was kind of a falling out with a certain someone. I suppose I saw it coming. Things were just kind of sitting and doing nothing. And we all knew things werent good. It's just that no one talked about it, until last night. I figured it wouldnt hurt to bring everything out in the open. It needed to happen. It is just a shame how things worked out. I guess for all parties. I still dont know why things ended up the way they did, but I guess I will never know. When there is no one talking, it is hard to get answers...It is a shame.

That's about all there is for now. One last thing...I am a little sad that no one from home has signed mine and Mike's guest book on our wedding web site. That's all. Peace, love, and happiness!

Relationships in college are interesting, to say the least. They can be new and exciting. They can involve a creepy stalker. They could be old and boring. Relationships can be between friends; best friends that you can talk to whenenver about whatever, or friends that you only go out and party with. Maybe friends that you only see once in a great while but everything is just like it was when you last saw them. Study buddys. Friends with benefits. I could go on and on....I guess what I am getting at is, what do I classify me and Mike as??? Our relationship seems so much different when we are at college than when we are back home. We have to deal with friends of the opposite sex (that arent our best friends). We have to deal with the other going out and partying (getting drunk) without eachother. Stress of school and jobs dont help. Plus, college doesnt exactly have the relationship mentality. It is just a bundle of new challenges. I find myself more and more having a short fuse with him. Whether it is about him being completely wasted (and me being sober), or about something I found on his computer, or him partying with one of his female friends and then going to lunch with her the next day. I find myself getting mad at him more and more. I dont know if I am really being fair??? Is it fair to be upset about this stuff? Am I being a bitch? Will it get worse? What happens next year when we are married, and completely broke and have to deal with school and jobs and money and all the real world things that I dont feel prepared to deal with??? Will we make it? Will we fight all the time? Will I be misereable? Will he? Uh! This is too much to handle! Are we doing the right thing? Are we really supposed to be together, forever?

On another note...Class starts tomorrow. I forget what it is like to be in school. I am ready for my stess level to jump like no other! Class, job, fiance, best friend, room mates, friends from home, friends from here. Here comes another fun filled year at college!! Wheeee!

Positive note: I saw The Wreckers in concert on Saturday, for free!!!! It was amazing! I was really close too! They played at The Taste of Madison, just a really low-key concert. AMAZING!!! I just happened to stumble upon it too. I didnt know about it until Saturday at like 5:00. My first country music concert. Yay!